Three Unwise Monkeys
by ProcurerFaith
Summary: Repost: Tai introduces Matt and Izzy to the wonders of tequila. It's a meeting none of them are likely to forget in a hurry...


Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon. All Digimon characters are owned by Toei and A. Hongo and such. I am making no money from this fic. It is a just-for-fun project. The only bit I own is my own characters and the way the words are put together.

**Author's Note; 23rd June 2008** – Please remember, edits may not quite appear as you remember them, as I'm hashing together the beta and the original uploads. I do not plan to come back and amend this work (if I start picking holes in it, I'll never stop XD)

* * *

_**Three Unwise Monkeys**_

"Oh, _Tai_, what are we supposed to do with _that_?" Asked Izzy, eyeing the bottle with some distrust as Tai flourished it. Matt's expression mirrored Izzy's.

"Oh, come _on_! You guys are boring, it's just a little fun!"

"Yeah, I remember some of your 'just a little fun' Tai. If Dad comes home and finds us with that, he'll throw a fit." Matt responded, vaguely indicating the bottle. Tai pouted sulkily.

"Well, we can't go through teenagerhood without getting drunk once!"

Matt looked at Izzy. Izzy looked at Matt.

* * *

_One Tequila (salt)…_

"Remind me again how you managed to talk me into this?" Matt said, looking into the shot glass that had been borrowed from Dad's liquor cabinet.

"I feel we could be too susceptible to his charms, Matt." Izzy said, staring into his own untouched glass.

"That's _not _it." Matt replied dryly.

They looked at Tai.

"Where did you get the tequila from, anyway?" Matt asked as his friend squinted into the neck of the bottle, one eye shut.

"Is that a _worm_?" Tai asked with a look of disgust, sidestepping the question with his usual deft elegance. He looked up.

"Who's first?"

"We're gonna drink this stuff neat?" Matt looked incredulous.

"Shouldn't we mix it first, considering that we've never drunk it before?" Izzy mentioned, intelligently.

"Anybody know how to mix it?" Tai asked, a hint of exasperation in his voice. The table was full of blank looks.

"Uh…no?" Matt said.

"Well, then we can't, can we?"

"I have my laptop…?" suggested Izzy.

"What, you have recipes on there?" Tai laughed. Izzy sighed.

"No, but the Internet probably does."

Matt shook his head.

"The phone is blocked for outgoing calls."

"Why?"

"Because…" Matt looked pained. "Iiiiiiiii'm _not_ going into it…"

"Well, don't you have the code?" Tai asked, scowling. Matt gave him a slightly disgusted look.

"Of _course_ I have the code. What do you take me for?"

"Should I peruse the Internet for instructions, then?" Izzy asked, laptop open and ready.

"Nah, we'll do it later." Tai replied, poking his finger into the bottle neck. "You know, that _is _a worm."

Matt pulled a face.

"Well, at least it died happy."

Tai poured one more glass of tequila- his own, and sat down at the table with his friends.

"So we're just going for it?" Matt asked.

Tai grinned evilly.

"You first, Matt."

"No way!"

"_Chicken?_" Tai asked, his sideways look irking Matt no end.

"_No._"

"Then do it."

Izzy watched as Matt shot Tai a wicked look and picked up the glass.

Tai and Izzy watched, fascinated, as Matt lifted the glass to his lips- and nearly choked on the sip that he took.

"Geez! This stuff is really _hot_! 'S _bitter_!" he grated, when he could speak. His face was red and he still coughed occasionally.

Izzy edged away and slid his hand towards the glass, nudging it across the table. He looked a little worried.

"You're not supposed to sip it! Look , like this-" Tai said, picking up his glass, pausing momentarily and then throwing it down his throat.

Matt laughed hysterically at the look on Tai's face as he turned green for a moment.

Izzy's eyes flicked between Tai and his glass.

"Your turn Izzy." Matt said, still grinning.

"I don't know…It doesn't seem particularly astute to do this, having seen both of your own reactions to the spirit."

"We'll force you...?" Tai grinned, his bout of jade overwith. Matt also had an unnerving smile on his face.

"You…You wouldn't…Would you?" Izzy gulped. Matt and Tai's expressions didn't change.

"You would." Izzy gave in.

Picking up the glass, he proffered it in a 'cheers' motion.

"Oh well.. Bottoms up?" He sighed, and took the shot.

Moments later, he was pouring himself another glass.

Matt and Tai looked at each other, astounded.

"How come _he _could take it?" asked Tai, his words somewhat obliterated by his dropped jaw. Matt just shook his head, eyes wide.

* * *

_Two Tequila (lemon and lime)…_

Somewhat more than two tequilas later, Matt was busy salting the back of his hand. Giggling, he looked across at Tai, who'd managed to find a Jif lemon in Matt's spice drawer and was happily squeezing some into his glass.

His tongue between his teeth, Matt lifted a finger and started counting to three. Izzy joined in, orally counting with him. Tai had his hand six inches away from the glass as Matt had a disadvantage- he had to take the salt first.

"Three!" Both boys lunged at their glasses and threw the tequila back. Tai won.

"Damn!"

"I won! Yes! I _am_ the greatest!"

"No fair! This time, _I'll_ do it with the lemon and _you _do it with the salt!"

"Okay, but you're just a sore loser!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

Izzy suddenly piped up in-between Matt and Tai's escalating argument.

"I found another one! 'Snake Bite'…" Izzy scrutinised the screen.

"Whassat?" Asked Tai, looking wantonly at the bottle now sitting in the middle of the table.

"It says, 'one ounce teq-quila and one ounsh Jack Daniels. Serve with lime'."

"Your dad got any Jack Daniels?" Tai asked, fluttering his eyelashes at Matt. Matt nodded, grinning.

"Are you kidding? That's all he's got!"

Matt fell out of the chair to his unsteady feet and only succeeded in tripping over the table leg and crashing to the floor. Izzy gazed over the top of his laptop somewhat distantly at Matt as he lay laughing hysterically on the floor. As Tai realised his friend was fine, he also started laughing and got out of his chair to give him a hand up. Reaching out to him he tried to pull Matt to his feet, but he was laughing too much to put any effort into it and they both ended up in a pile on the floor.

"I…can't…breathe…" giggled Matt, his face flushed with the tequila and very hard laughter. Tai was laughing so hard that tears were running from his eyes.

When they were finally able to stop laughing, but not without the odd giggle, Matt said,

"W-what was I doing?"

"Getting the Jack Daniels."

"Oh, yeah."

Suddenly, they burst out into laughter again.

They were stopped by a sudden scream from Izzy.

"I got the worm! I got the worm!"

There was a long silence.

And then the three of them burst into even more hysterical laughter.

Struggling to his feet, Matt wandered over to his father's liquor cabinet.

"You know, if we mix the shots, the tequila will last longer."

"Good thinking, B-batman. In th-theory." Said Izzy, the stutter clearly not bothering him at all.

Matt hung off the door to the cabinet and reached in, pulling out a 75cl bottle of Jack Daniels.

"Howzat?" He asked, holding it over the door as his head disappeared into the cabinet again.

"Whoohooo!!" yelled Tai, snatching the bottle from Matt and walking in a curve back to the table and sitting down.

"Does anybody have any Mountain Dew? Then we can try that other…that other… What was it called, Iz?" Matt called from the cabinet.

"Uh… 'S just c-called 's-s-slammer'…" Izzy stuttered.

"I don' have any Mountain Dew. I've got some lemonade. Any good?" Tai suggested. Matt shook his head.

"Nah. I wanna see it change colour."

"Suit yourself. I wan' the Jack Daniels."

Matt stumbled back to the table.

"Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to be able to walk soon?" He said, semi-coherently.

"Want some, Izzy?" Tai asked, but by this time, Izzy was hugging the bottle of tequila.

"How _could _you!" he pouted. Tai and Matt looked at each other.

"Wha?" Asked Tai, sagging onto the table.

Izzy's lip wobbled.

"How could you even _think _about abu-bu-using this stuff in-s-s-such a w-way? You c-c-can't m-mix teq-q-qu… You'll s-spoil it!"

_Three Tequila (time)…_

Many more tequilas than just three later, Tai drained the last of the large bottle and sighed. He was strewn all over the table. Matt looked decidedly semi-conscious as his head drooped and he wavered a little in the chair.

Suddenly, Izzy burst into tears. Tai looked vacantly at him and then began to giggle.

"Whass wrong with _you_?"

"I'm too s-sensible to get drunk!" Izzy sobbed. At Izzy's words, Tai burst out into hysterical laughter.

"Well, I'm…I…" He stopped to laugh. "I have _no _idea wha' I'm talkin' about!"

After a few more hysterical giggles, Tai turned to Matt and asked,

"Whaddaya think, Matt? Do I know wha' I'm talkin' about?"

At which point, Matt promptly passed out. Tai looked at him as he lay sprawled all over the table and started to laugh again, this time fully-fledged hysteria. He laughed until his diaphragm hurt.

Izzy continued to sob as Tai laughed.

"Matt's dead isn't he!? I know it!"

"You dolt! Of _course_ he'ss not dead!" sobbed Tai, tears of laughter streaming down his face. "He'ss jus' ver', ver' drunk, is all!" Izzy sniffed.

"Are you s-sure there'ss no more?"

Tai lifted up the bottle and turned it on it's end. Not even a drop fell from the neck.

"Hey, Izzz… Whadid you do wi' tha' worm?"

"I d-don't know." Izzy looked sick for a moment. "I th-think I d-dr-drank it…"

This was more than enough to set Tai off again into yet another uproarious fit of laugher.

"I can't…I c-" Tai was overtaken by hysterics again.

Once again, Izzy began to sob.

"I'm s-s-sorry!" he wept, rubbing his eyes.

"Wh-what f-for?" Tai forced, between giggles.

"I'm not t-t-alking t-to y-you! I'm t-t-talking to th-the w-worm!" Izzy hiccupped. As if Tai needed anything else to laugh about, he found this beyond even hysterical. Totally out of control, he started to go purple from lack of air.

"I'm s-sorry, wormy! I d-d-didn't mean to s-swallow you! I c-can't imagine anything worse t-than being s-swallowed! I got s-swallowed by Wh-wh-whamon, but I c-came out ag-gain!" A look of sudden realisation spread across Izzy's face.

"M-maybe if I v-v-om…_vom_…throw up…"

"Th-think about it this way, Izz… Is the worm gunna be 'ny better in the toilet?" sniggered Tai. Slowly, Izzy began to wail again.

"I'm sorry!!"

There was a creak as the front door opened. For a fraction of a second, Tai sobered enough to hide the tequila bottle. Of course, under the circumstances it wouldn't have been much of a clue to what had been going on. In fact, no clue was needed at all.

TK wandered in through the front door, followed by Kari. His mouth dropped.

"Uh…" was all he could say.

"Wow, TK, I'm so glad you're not your dad…" Tai breathed a sigh of relief. TK still stared, utterly dumbfounded at the scene in front of him.

"Brother, what have you been doing!" exclaimed Kari. She had her hands on her hips and she glared at Tai as he sheepishly pulled out the empty bottle from under the table.

TK walked forward to Matt and gingerly poked him with his index finger. There was absolutely no response.

"Matt? Are you okay?" TK asked, the smallest of embarrassed grins on his face.

"Two more, please, barman…" Matt mumbled. TK clapped his hand over his eyes.

"Well, at least he's not dead. Only dead drunk." TK sighed, shaking his head. "You're supposed to set me a good example, Matt." His last words were swamped by Izzy sobbing and screaming maniacally,

"He _is _dead! Tai, I t-t-told you M-m-matt was d-dead!!"

"N-no, Izzy, Matt's not dead. Uh…" TK realised immediately that he was totally out of his depth. He gestured at Izzy, palms open. "He's just...uh…sleeping. Besides, don't you think I'd be more upset?"

Izzy wasn't quite listening as he sobbed loudly. TK grimaced.

Tai was starting to doze off in his chair. Kari pulled the chair out from beneath him.

"Whu-!?" Tai stated before he fell on his backside. He looked around dazedly.

"I don't even need to _ask _whose idea this was." Kari moaned.

"_I think_ it's time to call Dad." TK said, looking a little concerned. "Because we can't cope with them like this on our own- and it's not as if we're gonna be able to hide this from him, anyway." Kari grimaced and nodded.

"Brother, you're gonna hate me in the morning, but this is for your own good."

TK said, shaking his head as he lifted the phone receiver.

"Then again, on the bright side, he might not even remember." Kari suggested, trying to pull her own brother to his feet. TK paused for thought.

"This is true." He confirmed, sounding a little happier.

"Dad? Uh…I think we have a potential problem here…no, don't worry, it's nothing too serious- or…at least, I don't think it is. No, it's…huh? No, I don't think so. It's Matt and Tai…and Izzy. They- no, I told you it was nothing like that. Um… They're all kinda drunk…" TK pulled a face and held the phone away from his ears at his dad's reply. "Yeah, I kinda figured you'd say that. Uh-huh…mm-hm… Okay. Sure, I can stay 'til then. Kari's here with me, so we'll cope… Okay. I'll call Mom and let her know you're taking me home…okay…"

As TK finished off his conversation with his dad, Kari looked pitifully at Tai as he curled up on the floor with the tequila bottle, the alcohol finally overwhelming his system as it had Matt's ten minutes earlier. She looked to the sky for support.

TK returned to Kari's side, where he had been when he discovered his friends and brother absolutely sozzled.

"Dad'll be here soon."

Kari nodded.

"Think I should call _my _dad? Get him to pick us up?"

"Only if you want to give him the rundown to lessen the shock. Dad said he'll take everybody home."

"Uh…no, if I tell him when I get there, Tai will bear the brunt of it." Grinned Kari. "Although he'll probably be _way _beyond coherency by then, so he won't even know. Not until tomorrow."

The only one of the original three still conscious was Izzy, and it was a very dubious consciousness. He was hugging his laptop and rocking himself gently.

"P-poor w-wormy…" he snivelled, looking around the room vaguely.

"What do you suppose he's talking about?" TK whispered to Kari. She shrugged.

"I have _no _idea."

* * *

When Dad finally turned up, it seemed that a lot of the anger had burned off on the journey home. As TK heard keys in the lock, he had the common sense to move out of the way of the thoroughfare to the dining table.

"What in God's name…?!" Dad exclaimed as he walked into the room. Hands on his hips, he shook his head. TK automatically flinched at this reaction from his dad, knowing instinctively that this was not a particularly good sign. It normally meant that somebody was going to get it in the neck.

Tai opened one eye, rolled it around to look at Matt's dad again from his position on the floor, and then closed it again. Suddenly, the fact that Matt's dad was in the room seemed to sink in and he stumbled to get up and look sober- something which made Kari and TK burst into unforgiving laughter. Mr Ishida turned to them and lifted an eyebrow.

"I don't think he needs your encouragement." TK tried to pull his grin back down and failed miserably.

He walked forward and confiscated the empty tequila bottle, which had somehow found it's way to Izzy's lap. At which point, the newly awakened Izzy began to scream. Matt's dad instantly put his hands on his shoulders to calm him down.

"Geez, kid, calm down. Anybody'd think I was murdering you. You sure are an a-typical _uptight_ drunkard." Matt's dad looked at the label on the bottle.

"So, you boys went for the really strong stuff, huh?" Putting the bottle back down on the table, he dragged his first-born out of the chair he was propped up in and lifted him up.

"You can't stay there, Matt." There was, of course, no answer. Matt was quite soundly sleeping.

Matt's dad sighed and shook his head again.

TK grinned.

So he wasn't as mad as he thought he'd be…

After quite some to-ing and fro-ing to get all the other kids home- and after quite a taking-to from Izzy's mom- Matt's dad finally found himself at home again, putting his semi-conscious elder son to bed. Lowering Matt down to the divan, he pulled off his shoes and flung them towards the corner of the room by the door. He couldn't resist a grin as he threw the bedcovers over his motionless son.

Leaning over him to turn on the alarm clock- set for seven as per usual; after all, it was a school night- Matt's dad said,

"I think you and I need to have that 'trust' talk tomorrow, because there's no point in giving it to you now, is there?" Matt opened one bleary eye and gave the slightest giggle. His dad tried and failed to resist the smile growing on his face.

"I didn't think so.

"But then, I'll be acting like a hypocrite if I get mad at you and yell, because I was _fourteen_ when I first got drunk- although I picked softer stuff than tequila." Propping himself up on his hands by the side of Matt's head, he looked right at his son and sighed.

"You are gonna be so sick in the morning, you know that?"

He deftly wiped the tiny beads of cold sweat from Matt's face with his hand, and pressed his lips quickly to his forehead.

"I'm actually amazed that none of you kids managed to give yourself alcohol poisoning." He stood and looked at his son once more.

"And, for some strange reason, I even feel kind of proud." He lifted an eyebrow. "Damn. I think I need to work on that. I'm pretty sure that's not a good reaction to your son getting drunk for the first time."

He turned to leave the room, switching the light off as he reached the door. He paused, just before he closed the door behind him.

"I wonder what happened to the worm? The good stuff always comes with a worm…"

* * *

_Floor(ed)…_

"Dad? I think I'm dying…" wailed Matt from the bathroom. His dad scoffed.

"That's not _dying_, Matt. That's a hangover." The morning light had brought with it the sickness Matt's dad had predicted.

"Are you sure?" his voice sounded weak. Dad's heart went out to him, but he knew if he reacted with kindness now, it wouldn't help Matt in the long run. He tried not to show any sympathy- but it _was_ hard.

"I'm speaking from experience," Dad replied as he got out of the chair and walked to the bathroom, where he found his son sitting dazedly on the floor, a towel over his face.

"Isn't there anything that will make it better?" Matt asked, taking the towel away for a moment.  
"Only not drinking the night before." Matt's dad grinned. Matt pulled a face, moaned and put his head back in the towel.  
"Was it worth it?" he heard his parent ask.  
"I don't remember." Matt groaned.  
"It probably was at the time, then." Matt's dad grinned again, knowingly.

"I bet Tai doesn't feel this bad."  
"I bet he does."  
"I bet _Izzy_ doesn't feel this bad."  
Matt's dad actually laughed at this.  
"I bet _he_ does."

Matt looked up, squinting to keep out the bright light.

"Why?"

"Because he was the most drunk out of all of you. You were passed out on the table when I got here, Tai was paralytic and Izzy was far beyond that stage."

"I seem to remember something about Izzy and an issue with him, the tequila and the Jack Daniels…and a worm, for some reason." Matt buried his head back in the towel.

"Yeah. _My _Jack Daniels."

"Sorry, Dad." Matt's dad could hear the sheepish tones in his voice even through the towel.

"Hmm…"

"I'm thirsty."

"You will be. You're probably dehydrating by now. Drink some water."

"I never want to drink anything but water ever again."

"Attaboy!" Replied Matt's dad, grinning. He stopped propping up the bathroom doorway so that he could get Matt a drink of water.

"Do I _have_ to go to school today?" asked Matt through the towel as he heard his father return from the kitchen. His dad passed him the glass of water.

"Yes, you do." Matt's dad replied, without pausing to think.

"What!?" Matt protested loudly-and then wished he hadn't as his voice reverberated around his own head. Matt's dad grinned lopsidedly, then his face grew serious.

"You brought this on yourself. I have no sympathy with you- you went behind my back and got yourself drunk. You betrayed the trust I had in you, Matt, and working it back isn't going to be easy."

"Please, dad. Not now." Matt whined.

"You kids are lucky you didn't kill yourselves. Alcohol poisoning isn't a fun thing to have."

"I know, I know, Dad. But…I really…don't think I can face school today." Matt replied, face in the towel.

"You should have thought of that last night when you got yourself drunk on tequila and my Jack Daniels."

"You _can't _send me to school like this!" he begged. Matt's dad shook his head.

"I'll take you to school, just to save you from killing yourself on the way there- I'll even pick you up, but you're going. That's final."

"I bet Tai's _mom_ isn't sending _him_ to school."

"I bet she is."

* * *

And indeed she did. When Matt arrived in his home room, he found Tai, looking decidedly sick- as he imagined he himself must look. A pair of dark glasses covered his best friends eyes and he sat, head in his hands, desperately trying to stay conscious at the table. Matt threw himself down beside him, and then wished he hadn't been quite so vigorous as his head spun.

"You too?" he asked. Tai just nodded and groaned.

"I wish my parents were more sympathetic." He moaned. Matt sighed deeply, which set off a pain somewhere in the back of his brain. He too, groaned and collapsed onto the table top.

Suddenly, a figure sat down in front of them, on the table. In unison they both looked up to find Sora looking at them, slightly worried.

"What happened to you boys, anyway?"

Matt cast Tai an 'I'm not taking the blame for this one' look and pushed his head back into his arms, where it had been resting quite nicely.

"Best not to ask." Croaked Tai.

Sora grinned knowingly.

Actually, I already have. Kari and TK were all too happy to tell me about it." She waved her cell phone.

Matt and Tai looked at each other and sighed in frustration.

"Think we should kill them later?" Tai asked.

"Sure do." Replied Matt sulkily. He leaned down to his backpack and fished around for an essential he'd thrown in there just before being escorted to the car.

He emerged with a pair of sunglasses, not dissimilar to Tai's.

"I bet Izzy's mom didn't send _him_ to school." Tai muttered.

Suddenly, the door opened and a very petulant looking Izzy stomped in, backpack slung over one shoulder. His eyes were covered in a pair of dark glasses.

"I bet she did." Matt commented, in exactly his dad's tone.

Izzy flung himself down in a chair at a table beside Tai and Matt's. He looked across at them, not saying a word.

"Oh, Izzy?" asked Sora, smiling, but with a hint of confusion. Izzy just turned to look at her, his head pounding so much he didn't dare speak.

"TK asked me to ask you: What was with the 'wormy' thing? His words…"

Izzy looked very, very sick. Matt and Tai looked at each other.

"Under the circumstances I think it would be very beneficial if…you didn't ask…" Izzy replied, as he covered his mouth and ran out of the room exceedingly quickly.

_-Fini-_

* * *

Thank you very much for reading to the end :) I hope my fic gave you some enjoyment ;)


End file.
